New $TSLAQ Theory For Tesla’s Imminent Collapse



Published on February 19th, 2019 | by Zachary Shahan

February 19th, 2019 by Zachary Shahan 

Long before $TSLAQ was a thing, long before $TSLA was a thing, certain critics were predicting — obsessively — Tesla’s flaming death. I’m not sure what has stimulated so much animus over the years, but the grave predictions get more humorous as the years go by. For a look through some of that long history, I recommend “Tesla — Dead For 10 Years.”

The Tesla critics seem to be running out of arguments, though. I have to admit that I never really understood what the theory was that centered around Tesla Model 3s in parking lots — was it that Tesla didn’t have demand or that it didn’t know how to produce and deliver cars well? In any case, cars were delivered and customers are happy.

The tent was not a joke — it was an efficient, car-producing facility. The paint shop … painted cars. The panel gaps … didn’t do anything. The cash burn fizzled, as we predicted it would — after burning many analysts. Tesla, as it turns out, did not go bankwupt.

With all of those theories busted (even if a few slow thinkers don’t realize it yet), one would think the entire TSLAQ crowd would move along by now. Alas, the force is strong with some of these detectives and theorists, even when their dear leaders move along. It’s certainly funny, even though it’s almost getting sad. Is there nothing more worthwhile and enjoyable to do in this world than troll Tesla?

Well, I think I’ve come across a last-gasp explanation for how Tesla will finally, really, truly, honestly, no joking, seriously, stop it with this stupid game, supersplendulously go down. The story was told in the 1990s. Mo’ money, mo’ problems.


That’s right — that’s my theory and I’m stickin’ to it.

Check out more Morning Monkey Business stories if you enjoyed this version of humor.



Tags: audi, Elon Musk, EV sales, Hyundai, Hyundai Kona, Hyundai Kona EV, Tesla, Tesla autopilot, Tesla Model 3

About the Author

Zachary Shahan Zach is tryin’ to help society help itself (and other species). He spends most of his time here on CleanTechnica as its director and chief editor. He’s also the president of Important Media and the director/founder of EV Obsession and Solar Love. Zach is recognized globally as an electric vehicle, solar energy, and energy storage expert. He has presented about cleantech at conferences in India, the UAE, Ukraine, Poland, Germany, the Netherlands, the USA, and Canada. Zach has long-term investments in TSLA, FSLR, SPWR, SEDG, & ABB — after years of covering solar and EVs, he simply has a lot of faith in these particular companies and feels like they are good cleantech companies to invest in. But he offers no professional investment advice and would rather not be responsible for you losing money, so don’t jump to conclusions.

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